What is a Mother?
by ProfTweety
Summary: Post 3.11; Despite his busy schedule, Rusty is finding time to continue sessions with Dr Joe who has asked him to answer the question 'what is a mother' now that the adoption has been finalized. Having two mothers, Rusty is having trouble answering initially but finally can in the end.


_**What is a Mother?**_

**Disclaimer**: (1) None of these characters are mine; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

**A/N**: Despite how busy his new schedule is, I'm hoping Rusty is still finding time for sessions with Dr Joe.I'm always happy to hear comments of any kind. Hope you enjoy!

~~~~~PT~~~~~

At our last session, Dr Joe said he was giving me homework. I made a face because I'm like totally busy running around getting everyone's coffee order and telling them to be quiet like 14 hours a day sometimes so I don't exactly have time to do homework. He said it was easy; just come back with an answer to his question, what is a mother, so here I am ready to answer, I think.

We greeted each other as I entered his office, I walked around as usual – nothing new or weird this time – and sat on the couch.

"Have you thought about my question?" he asked in that calm voice of his. I swear he and Sharon must've practiced for years to sound like that.

"Yeah, at first I thought it was a simple question but when I started to _really_ think about it, it's not."

Dr Joe smiled at me. "When have I ever done easy?"

"Right," I rolled my eyes. "My first answer was a mother is the person who had you, you know, and raised you, gave you a family. But then I thought of Sharon. She only took me in a few years ago but she loves me and she gave me a family. So I had to keep thinking."

"I'm glad you didn't stop there." Dr Joe settled back in his chair. "What'd you come up with?"

I was uncomfortable but it had to be said. "My life isn't _normal_. It's like a tale of two mothers, the tale of two Sharons."

Dr Joe chuckled a bit. "I've always found it oddly interesting that they have the same name."

Again rolling my eyes, "Like I said, my life isn't normal."

"Normal is subjective. Everyone has a _different_ normal. I'm sure you've learned by now that you are not alone. You are not the only one who has an addict for a mother," he paused, "or a cop for mother."

"Yeah, but I've got two mothers," I smirked, "and they aren't even dating each other."

"Funny kid, now answer my question, please."

Sighing, I jumped into it. "Fine. I learned from my _mother_ that a mother is the person who had you and raised you but made you grow up too fast. She was supposed to take care of me, protect me, take _me_ to the hospital, made sure I went to school and got good grades and had plans for the future. She was supposed to be okay with me being gay because she's my mother and she loves me. She was supposed to keep me and love me no matter what."

"It sounds like part of that answer is what you learned from Sharon."

I looked at him a bit upset, okay a lot. "No, I'm talking about my _mother_. Sharon taught me things like respecting people and caring about not hurting them. She taught me to be kind. She took me in when my own mother put me on the streets. She wanted to shoot Daniel for a few punches when my own mother let her boyfriend beat the crap out of me, like all the time. She put herself in danger to protect me when I was the one trying to protect my mother, not the other way around. She made me a part of her team, gave me like an aunt and a bunch of uncles when my own mother basically made me a hustler and then _judged_ me for it. Sharon doesn't judge me. She _loves_ me. She thinks it's a _miracle_ I came into her life. Can you imagine?"

"She has done a wonderful job for you, yes. She has shown her love time and again. She has treated you like she treats her other children. Is that where the anger at your mother comes from?"

"What? I'm not angry at her! She's sick. Lt Flynn and Sharon _both_ said it's the addiction talking, not _her_."

"So when was the last time _she_ spoke to you?"

I had to really think about that because she's been drunk and high for so long now. "I don't know, maybe when I was little? Ricky talks a lot about what Sharon was like with him and Emily growing up." I shot him a look, "He calmed down a lot since Sharon told him she was disappointed in him. She really gets to people, especially kids, when she says that. Anyway, I didn't do pretty much _any_ of those things with my mother."

"So you missed out on some things?"

"Missed out on _some_ things? Sharon read books to her kids! She took them to the park and the zoo and she like brought them back home with her. She took them to the movies and she let them participate in activities and tried to go see them play or perform as much as she could and she felt bad when she couldn't cuz of work. She took them to Park City at Christmastime to spend time with their grandparents."

Dr Joe nodded, "She was very involved in her children's lives."

"She worked a lot but her kids knew she loved them and that she worked for _them_. My mother is like Jack. They're addicts who don't care who they hurt and always expect forgiveness and love, even if they don't give it."

"So then Ricky and Emily should have some understanding of your childhood."

"Now they do. Sharon is pretty persistent," I grinned, then got up to pace. "Is it a bad thing that my lists are so different? That I learned all the things _not_ to do from my mother and all the things _to_ do from Sharon?"

"Not at all, Rusty, that's just how your life worked out. Do you feel guilty for seeing things that way?"

"Of course I do! She's my mother and when she's compared to Sharon, she's this horrible person who did horrible things to me but she's my mother."

"And you will always love her. And that's okay. But it's also okay to be upset with or angry at her. It's what you _do_ with those emotions that I'm most interested in." He motioned for me to sit again. "It's _how_ you are with Sharon based on your relationship with your mother that I'm very much interested in."

"They're totally separate. My mother is my _mother_ and Sharon is _Sharon_."

"Ah, but they're not totally separate, are they? One affects the other."

Okay he had me there. "I'm more cautious with Sharon than I need to be but she's okay with it. She doesn't push me."

"So it's okay to maybe make her pay for your mother's actions?"

"What? No!" I was starting to get pissed off now. "That's not what I said." I was pacing again. I really do spend too much time with the team. They're all pacers.

"It's not what you _said_ but it's what you _do_, Rusty." He motioned for me to sit again. What is it with him and sitting anyway? "You've mentioned several times now that Sharon holds back on touching you or hugging you. She'll do it sometimes but she basically waits for a sign from you."

"That's because she respects boundaries! And because she thinks it's all related to my time on the streets."

"But it isn't, is it?" He sat quietly and waited for me to _absorb_ it, as he puts it. "Do you think you love your mother _less_ if you let Sharon in _more_?"

"Yes, I mean, she's my _mother_ and it doesn't matter what she did or didn't do for me. She's still my _mother_. And Sharon is, well, she's Sharon. I mean legally she's my mother and she acts like it for real but I _have_ a real mother."

"Then why'd you go through with the adoption?"

Okay, that really made me feel like crap. Why did I? "You're probably thinking it's just cuz I don't want to end up like those kids in the box or so she can pay for stuff like school or a car or whatever but that's not the _only_ reason."

"I'm listening."

"She loves me and she takes care of me. She doesn't _expect_ anything back. She just wants me to have a good life and be a good person, a good adult, like her kids."

"Still listening," he leaned forward, "I'm hearing what Sharon does for _you_."

"So like I'm this selfish little street rat who's using her?!"

Shrugging, "Are you?"

"You know I'm not! I love her! I'd do anything for her! I'd protect her with my life if I had to. I _will_ make her proud one day, just like I told her I would. And if I end up rich too like Ricky, we can all of us make her old age really easy cuz she earned it. She like deserves to be taken care of back, you know."

"_Now_ we're getting somewhere," he smiled.

"I want Sharon to be my mother for all the _right_ reasons, okay. I'm not using her. I'm just not used to being a so-called normal kid and that's all she wants for me. She's been great about my mother being in the picture but my mother isn't the same way about her. She got mad when I told her about the adoption and she started yelling that I can't cut her out of my life cuz she will _always_ be my mother."

"Biologically, that's true. Do you think there will ever be a time when you don't _want_ her in your life? Do you think Sharon will _ever_ be the only mother you have?"

"I don't always want her in my life now but I _do_ love her and feel responsible for her. She's my mother and like I will always _have_ to let her be a part of my life. She will be until she dies."

"Love and responsibility are two different things, Rusty. Although you do, you don't _always_ have to try to take care of her." He sat back again, "Personally, and note I said personally _not_ professionally, I think Sharon deserves to be let in your life more while your mother is alive. I mean really, Rusty, knowing everything your mother has asked you to do, what has _Sharon_ really asked of you?"

"Nothing back," I shrugged. I knew what he meant. "Sharon loves with her whole heart. I saw it with Ricky. I even saw it with Jack. She tries to love without expectations because she knows she can get hurt."

"So she understands you? Has maybe been there to a certain extent?"

"I hadn't really thought about it like that but yeah."

"Let me ask you this. Do you think you will ever loosen up with Sharon?"

"Yeah, like I actually like when she hugs me."

"What do you think will happen if you just hugged her one day for no reason?"

I laughed, "You mean once I helped her off the floor?"

"She's not that delicate," he corrected me, but in a joking way.

"I don't know. I've never done it." God, I _can_ be kind of crappy to her.

"How about you give it a try and let me know how it goes." Standing up, he pointed to his watch. "It doesn't have to be by the next time we see each other."

"Good, cuz I'm not sure that wouldn't feel forced."

"Buzz is having a good influence on you, I see," he smirked. "One game of chess before you go?"

"Of course!" We sat by the board. "Prepare to lose," I boasted.

"Or win," he challenged with a shrug.

"Yeah, or that." Always the realist. Another thing he has in common with Sharon. So I spent the entire game thinking about how I am with Sharon and it must've distracted me cuz I totally lost. "I'll let you know how it goes when it goes," I said as I was leaving.

"I'll be here," he smiled as he opened the door to let me out. And there's another thing he has in common with Sharon, they'll both be there for me.

* * *

><p>So one night, Sharon and I were totally exhausted from our work. We managed to have a quick take out dinner, barely talking. When she excused herself to go to bed, I got up and hugged her, like out of nowhere. She seemed really surprised but she hugged me back, tight, and said she loved me. I said it back without hesitating like I normally do cuz I <em>do<em> love her. She's my mother _too_.

She kept her arm around me as we walked down the hall and I actually didn't mind. As she opened her bedroom door, "Hey, Sharon."

"Yes?"

"_You're_ the miracle. No arguments." I hurried up into my room, leaving her there smiling that smile where she tries hard not to look too happy but her eyes are wet so you know she is.

Okay so I have that story for Dr Joe and the real answer to his question. A mother is the person who teaches you, through right or wrong, how to live your life the right way; who lets you know you're loved through word but most especially through action; and who is there for you and accepts you, no matter what just cuz she loves you without expectation.

Sharon is my mother too and she is a better mother to me than my real one is and _someday_ I won't feel guilty about that anymore.

[The End]


End file.
